


We are the night

by Deductions_onmy_Otp



Category: Megstiel - Fandom, Supernatural, destiel - Fandom, sabriel - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Bottom Castiel, Daddy Kink, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, F/F, F/M, Gen, Light BDSM, M/M, Multi, Older Dean, Other, Power Bottom Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, References to Supernatural (TV), Teacher-Student Relationship, Top Dean, Young Castiel, Young Gabriel, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-05-27 14:11:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deductions_onmy_Otp/pseuds/Deductions_onmy_Otp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak has had things for older men in the past, but when he starts getting into a relationship with his teacher Dean Winchester has his Daddy Kink taken him too far? <br/>Light BDSM, Daddy kink. <br/>Lots of issues brought up like Lgbt+, POC, Abeilism, BDSM relationships and how to safely proceed into one, and more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

Sometimes when I look around me at the surrounding planes of existence, all I see is a large mess. We are thrown in alone, to learn and grow from the mistakes that can knock us back on our asses. Though we have help from parents, friends, and peers ultimately it is up to us to make single decisions that push us forward on the path laid out in front of us ,unknown until later when we cringe or cry or laugh at it if it is an acceptable decision. 

As a seemingly promiscuous and rebellious teenager, I ache to fall out of stereotypical molds that society tends to push the less fortunate into. Still, many things about me and my small bubble of living does fall into the category many assign me to. My room is messy, clothing too skin tight and mostly black thrown about, papers scattered and shoes piled high in one corner. My laptop blares music loudly. What you do not see though, is that the papers are finished school work, most of them plastered with large red A’s. Written across the glaring screen is pages upon pages of words plucked from my imagination and compacted into sentences that gives the image of the colorful story unfolding in my mind and the music blaring is in fact Indie Rock, not “Death Metal” or “ Screamo music” As my so hip mother calls it. Though in fact I am not putting down the music or the people who listen to this music, but I am not a metal head. 

As I write this in fact, my eyes roaming my bat cave, my safe place, my island of peace, I see art climbing the walls like unkempt vines. Most my own work, they depict scenes from my very heart. Depression is a likely art form I use as it is something i hold gingerly in my shaking hands, attempting not to drown underneath the very weight of my own mind. Another is love. Though i have never believed in love as a reality, my soul sings out for romance, for someone to fist pump the air after he finally gets me, to wait 20 years for me to fly back into his life again, for someone to stroke back my sweat soaked hair and whisper they love me. So I write, allowing this hopeless romantic that is so apart of my very core that it overtakes my life to be free. I cannot have just any relationship, and nor can I just have anyone. I want my own cool rider, my very own muse, a soul mate. 

This tale is not a Notebook, but it certainly isn’t a 50 shades of gray. This won’t be completely unique as this is a love story, and let’s just admit it love is such an over-rated part of storytelling, but yet I’m sure it will be enough different to hold you captive. 

~

Do you ever wake up, and have this feeling that you aren’t really there? That you are floating through the first few minutes of being awake, and then you fall and suddenly you feel grounded and need a simple minute to let the absences of that euphoria fill you. That is how I woke up the first day of my Junior year. My alarm clock blaring, screaming in my face to wake the fuck up, sunlight attacking my sensitive pupils when I finally peek at the morning. Sounds filling my every sense as i try to turn it off but unable to without being pulled from the safety and warmth of the cocoon of blankets I had managed to get into the nght before. It's days like these i contemplate not even getting up, to lay still and hope my family cannot see me, forgets and lets me just watch the sun move across the sky out of my window. 

“Fuck.” I roll out of bed finally as a headache starts to blossom right above my left eye. Kneading the pain with the heel of my palm I walk over to the private bathroom I had been graciously given by my parental units as a sign of good graces before their divorce. They moved me into their room with the act of demolishing the wall between my mom’s art studio and my bedroom until the day the papers were finally signed and my father disappeared into the wind. We get a postcard now and again with some cash, as if money can fill the void that had been ripped into the essences of the house when he left. 

Gazing into the mirror at the guy that I had become, I only saw someone who was tired. Dark bags weighed down the ocean that was my eyes, my jet black hair stringy and tangled. I wore a white t-shirt that was as baggy as I could find, not knowing at the time it was one of my brothers. I shed it like a winter coat, stepping underneath the stream of near scalding hot water. Steam roamed my body, clinging to my slight curves and gently caressing my blushing skin.

Time seem to slip past as I massaged my scalp, my body. Soon I was clean but unwilling to step out of the misty refuge I had made. The scent of strawberries and the steam made me feel drowsy, and before i knew it I was leaning my forehead against the cool tile of the shower, my arms thrown over the shower head and closing my eyes. My headache was gone, but a much deeper ache encased me and I wanted to disappear into the water droplets raining down on me, to swirl down the drain and away from this place as well.

A pounding on the bathroom door shook not only the door but my nerves, and I shakily answered.

“I’ll b-be right out!” Whoever it was didn’t answer back and I guessed they had left. I stepped out quickly, running my thin fingers through my soaking wet hair. I wrapped the towel loosely around my waist and walked out into my bedroom to find someone sitting on my bed. I didn’t panic though because it was a familiar face, a face I’ve seen everyday for the past fifteen years.

“What took you so long Clarence?” Meg asked, one finger twirling a single strand of dark brown hair and the other hand wiping at the edge of her bright red lips. 

“I had an epiphany, I realized that you aren’t my best friend.” Meg scoffed and threw a shirt at me, which i gladly slipped on. It was a white holey tee with faded words no one can make out anymore written across it.

“You know you love me.”

“I do.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead, grabbing her wrist and spinning her around before pulling her to me. She laughed, a squeaky thing that hurt one's ears but also made them realize how cute she truly was.

“And as do I.” She smirked and slapped my bum, her hand resting along my ass for a few seconds longer than necessary. That was Meg for you.

“Now, get dressed. Meet you down in five?” I nodded and she left, leaving me alone once more. I rummaged through the never ending clothes piles, finally finding a pair of black jeans that smelled clean. Slipping them on I saw that they had holes in the knees and were tighter than remembered, but my ass looked great and my morning feeling of existential crisis was over, so I grabbed my phone and headphones, crucial things for a full day of learning things I will most likely never need as an adult, and my backpack.I glanced around the room, a kind of once over as a feeling of dreaded forgetfulness washed over me. That fuzzy feeling you get when you know you’ve forgotten something but your mind can’t tell you exactly what that thing is. 

A knock pounded at the door, making me frown but still I hurried over to it and walked out of the room, setting the feeling aside as unease at the first day of school. 

A small smile played across her lips, making her look like she knew a dirty little secret that would ruin your life.

“What happened to five?”

“Sorry.” I mumbled, walking past her and down the stairs. She huffed and followed me, her heels clipping against the wood floors in a rhythmic and a little annoying way. 

Halfway down the stairs a yell from the top of them alerted us to move out of the way or be stampeded. We of course fled to as close to the railing as physically possible, and down came my annoying brother on his skateboard, his light brown hair stuffed into a beanie and his large hazel eyes glassy and red. He was obviously already stoned. At almost sixteen he looked, talked and behaved like a typical California stoner, and for good reason as he was a typical fucking stoner. I didn’t mind that much because time and again he had hooked me up with some amazing grass, and countless times he had taken the fall for me. Lately nobody has taken the fall for anything with mom in her vegetable like state and Grandpa being a true hippy of his time.

“Asswipe!” I greeted him as he rushed past me, which he replied with a shaky middle finger in the air as he disappeared around the corner, toward the kitchen. 

“God, Gabriel is sooooo hot.” I heard Meg say from behind me, and I turned toward her, glaring.

“Dude, that’s my brother.” She shrugged and bit her bottom lip.

“So? Someone around here has got to have a little action and it sure isn’t gonna be you.” I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling at her remark on the lack of a love life i’ve had recently and walked down the rest of the flight of stairs. 

Sitting outside sat a shitty brown toyota, a gift from Meg’s demon of a father. He was a total jerk, beating on Meg often enough to get the police involved, and then convincing her to drop the matter with gifts such as this. It had been a while since the last incident but I was waiting for it, for the moment he snapped and worked her over again because this time the police won’t be involved, but I will be. 

We settled into the car and she started it, a loud rumbling as it rolled over.

“This is such a piece of shit.” I stated matter of factly, and she frowned.

“It’s not a piece of shit..”

“It is a piece of shit, but I don’t even have my own piece of shit so I have to be jealous of yours.” She laughed, rolling her eyes toward the ripped ceiling of the car.

“Quoting Ferris Bueler, really?” I shrugged, looking out the window as the school came into view around the buildings, Like a large looming watchdog it sat, it’s very shadow making students shudder. 

“I speak in movie quotes.”

“And song lyrics.” She added. I nodded, a soft smile feeling good to crack. Me and Meg didn’t spend a lot of time over the summer, both of us having to work, and she was usually the only one that can get me out of my horrid mood in the morning. I had missed her, more than any of the other kids in our group. 

Sadie and Sophie sat inside a small green car sitting at the very edge of the parking lot and Meg made sure to park next to them. They got out as soon as they saw us coming up, a trail of smoke flowing out from behind them, cigarettes perched in between pale fingers.

As twins, they looked a lot alike. With their black hair and large brown eyes, freckles scattered across their pale skin and a petite frame. But even with those similarities, they looked like sisters but not twins. Sadie had her hair long, down to the middle of her back, and in soft waves that was natural. She never wore makeup but her smile was always so wide and her eyes always sparkling with curiosity. Her mood was always happy and her personality wild, that she was beautiful anyway. She wore things that showed off her frame, today it was low slung jeans and a light yellow shirt that only came down to right above her bellybutton and showed off her collarbones but no cleavage. She was artistic but not too smart, getting mostly B’s and C’s in her normal classes. 

Sophie on the other hand, was the calm to her sister's storm. While Sadie was a free spirit she was the calculated risk. Her dark hair was cut into a shaggy pixie cut. Her bangs came to right above her thick but fitting her face eyebrows and came to a little bit above her neck. Her hair was very, very curly though, and she reminded me of Benedict Cumberbatch with her hair and dark calculating eyes. Her makeup skills were amazing, her eyeliner sharp and her blending very good, covering most of her freckles except one or two on her chin. Her lipstick was a darker red than Meg’s, which suited her dark long sleeve t-shirt and black mini skirt. The only color she had was her lipstick and her bright red flats, so different from Sadie’s overclean high top white converses. She was in all Ap classes and would graduate a year earlier than her sister although they are the same age, making her a senior. 

Another difference between them was that Sophie was a lesbian. Sadie was panromantic asexual, meaning she fell in love easily but had no want of sex whereas Sophie got more ass than a fucking toilet seat. She got a lot of “straight” girls waking up in her bed in the past and present, promising to not tell a soul other than the people in her group which learned a long time ago to leave the stories between them. 

Meg turned the key and the engine turned and stopped. She stepped out and exchanged air kisses on both cheeks with Sophie before getting attacked with a hug by Sadie. I stepped out and Sophie sent a sly smile my way.

“Hey Cas.” I sent a greeting back and went to hug Sadie. She buried her face in my shirt and squeezed tight, as if she hadn’t seen me in years when in fact it had only been a week. 

“I’ve missed you.” She whispered, and I smiled, stroking her hair a little before she let go. 

Out of the car emerged Bud and his boyfriend Dylan, holding hands and smiling like they had just won the lottery. I watched this with sadness, my heartstrings panging. Meg glanced toward me as if she could tell I was hurting, and I nodded to her, taking a deep breath to try to make the sadness creeping into my lungs recede back into the pit of my stomach where it stayed. 

The bell rang from inside the school, and we hurried toward the building, some of us not wanting to be late on the first day and others not wanting to be alone.

“What do you have for first hour Cas?” Sophie asked, stepping along beside me and meeting my strides. Before I could answer Meg, who was beside me on the other side, spoke for me.

“Mr.Batson with me.” Sophie frowned slightly and looked down at the pink paper in her hands.

“Dammit, I’ve got Wheeler.”

“I’ve got Mrs. Nissbis.” Bud spoke up, falling behind the group, and Dylan smiled up at him, his eyes having a faraway and dreamy look in his eye. He really loved him, although they’ve only been dating for four months. 

“Lucky, she’s hot.” Sophie said, waggling her eyebrows at him. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“I have Mr.Batson too.” Sadie spoke up softly, smiling at us. Meg hooked her arm with her and mine and started to skip, singing the famous song from Dorothy and the wizard of Oz. Sadie sang along too but I just half heartedly skipped inside the large doors, not wanting to face this place again. 

~

Whispers followed me all day, groups of huddled teens trying to gossip about the events of last year without me hearing, but this school wasn’t large and the words easily flowed past their parted lips and to me.

“Isn’t that the kid?”

“He’s so young!”

“Did he really sleep with him?”

Yes, my horrendous mistake followed me into the next year and fear gripped me tightly. I started to get scared i would never come back from my relationship with him, or the events that made it blow out into the open. That fear became a reality when i came to my locker after third hour to find FAG written across it in bright red marker. 

I stared at it, my vision blurring with unshed tears and my body weighed down by guilt and fear and a crushing sadness. i was not the only out gay kid, but i was the one they chose to pick on because of who I was and who I was with. Life is just so fucking unfair sometimes. I hid in the bathroom my next hour, unwilling to face the outside world with hazy eyes and red rimmed nose. It was all so unfair, and i ached to just go home and sleep. My mother would not come and get me though, and if I went home and my grandfather was there i would have to explain why I came home early. My only option was to ditch the rest of the day. Meg on the other hand, had other plans.

During what would be lunch someone came barging into the bathroom, the door swinging and hitting the wall so hard the bang echoed throughout the entire bathroom. I flinched, scared it was an assailant, but then I heard the clip clop of heels on tile and immediately knew who it was, the only woman crazy enough to just waltz into a men’s bathroom.

“Castiel fucking Novak, I know your ass is in here.” She yelled, walking closer to the last stall, which I occupied. I heard scraping and then here she came, climbing across the dirty floor underneath the stall door to get in. She straightened up, wiping herself off before her eyes landed on me and her own face crumbled. Without hesitation she collapsed next to me on the floor and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me to her body. I had finally stopped crying but with this I erupted again, and she stroked my hair and shushed me. We laid like this for a few minutes until I had completely calmed down and ruined her outfit, when she asked me what was wrong. I forced the words out, explaining in clipped words what had happened and her face went stony. 

“I know exactly who fucking did this.” She stood up, dragging me along with her. I protested, tried to squirm my way out of her vice like grip but I was weak from crying and she was full of adrenaline. She marched into the lunchroom and right over to a group of guys who I recognized as some friends of Jared’s before. I desperately tried to plead her to stop but she marched right up to the same guy i knew did it too, Mark Wallenberg, Jared’s little brother. After Jared left he was furious and taken it out on an innocent gay couple named Bret and Logan, who both transferred schools after the bullying intensified. I guess he decided to go for the actual guy that was apart of the whole thing.

“You bastard.” Her voice dripped with venom and her entire stature gave off dangerous vibes. Her eyes spit literal fire and her mouth was a hard line as he turned toward her, smiling wide like a criminal that knew what he had done and also knew he would never get caught.

“Hi Meg. Faggot.” A couple kids laughed with him, but was cut short by Meg’s jeweled fist connecting with Mark’s left eye. His head snapped back, falling flat on his ass but Meg already had him by his hair and dragged him up and on to his knees. She dug her knee into his spine and he called out.

“Apologize you fucking waste of space or I will break your spine.” He held his stony resolute for about a second, when she pulled his head back and pulled her knee up before dragging it back into his back. He yelled, tears suddenly in the corner of his eyes as he spat out apologizes.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Let me gooooo.” He cried the last part, his voice breaking. She let go, and he collapsed to the ground.

She went down to her knees, speaking so softly that her every word seemed to stab all their hearts with full blown fear.

“Now listen here you piece of shit. Your father sent Jared away because he couldn’t have a gay son living in his house and he definitely couldn’t have a son dating a minor and go to jail. Grow the fuck up.” She rose and sent each individual person a death glare before beginning to stalk away, but the two security guards had finally arrived and blocked her path. They began leading her to the office, a teacher running over to go check on Mark. I turned on my heels and walked the opposite direction, going to grab my bag from the rest room and then going to my sixth hour. You're probably asking as to why I didn't freak with this display of utter dominance over my tormenter, well I didn't freak because this wasn't the first time Meg Masters has kicked some ass for me, or anyone. She was the fallen angel that came to the broken and the weaks rescue against the corrupted stronger people. She was my unicorn. 

~

As I walked into my sixth hour, which was Ap Lit, I saw a very handsome man up at the front. He was turned away but his back muscles strained against the crisp white shirt that he was wearing and his ass looked amazing in his slacks. I sat down in the one right behind him, eyes following every ripple as he wrote on the board.

All too soon other students began to file in, and then the bell rang. He sat the marker down, clasping his large hands together as he turned. I guarantee every jaw dropped at the sight of this man.

First off, his hair was mussed like he had just had some kinky sex. His green eyes blown and so bright, they held intelligence and knowledge, like he held all of the world's secrets in those eyes. His facial features were sharp and chiseled but still soft and feminine, from his sharp jaw to his soft pouty lips. 

“Hi, I’m Dean Winchester, but you have to call me Mr. Winchester by law.” The class erupted even though the joke was corny and not really that funny, but that smile was dazzling and hypnotic.

“Nah, you can call me either Mr.W or Dean.” He spoke easily, as if he was already friends with all of them, and only once had I ever had a teacher have us call him by his first name, and he was caught smoking grass behind the gym’s bleachers. 

“Now, I will be going around the class, but don’t worry, I don’t want to know your life story. Just say your name.” He pointed right at me, and I saw a shift in his gaze I had only seen once before, when Jared looked at me. It turned from helpful teacher to lusty and I felt my throat swell.

“Well, what’s your name?” He spoke low and in a whisper. I let my gaze fall from his eyes to his lips as i said my name as loud as i could possibly speak.

“Castiel Novak.” 

“Castiel. That’s beautiful.” He said, and when I met eyes with him again i saw his pupils, slightly blown, drift down to my lips for a split second.

Then, the moment was over. He hastily moved on, commenting on all the names he was told, and even sent a few smiles to the girls who seemed especially smitten over him, but every so often he’d glance toward me.


	2. Chapter Two

“Castiel, stay after class.” I resisted the urge to grin like a dopey idiot and tried to look displeased, but this was what i have been dreaming about for the past two weeks. Dean Winchester asking me to stay after with him alone made up my wet dreams.The time seemed to go by as slowly as irritatingly possible, the hands of the clock teasing me with each small click. It was silent as Dean spoke, everyone following his last word, either wanting those luscious lips on them or to be the same kind of easily delicious male he was. I had no idea what the words falling past his lips were because one; those lips were so beautifully distracting to even a “straight” guy and two; thoughts jumbled up my thought process, fantasy after fantasy and even some anxiety flying through my brain. I was flushed with a light blush by the time the bell dismissed us, leaving my anticipation on the very edge. The class was slow filing out, girls lounging about to gain the interest of the impossible target. Dean Winchester had flirted mercilessly with everyone, but he had never given them a thought that anything could happen between them. Except with me. With the lingering glances and lusty eyes made only for me and me alone, sometimes my fantasies and reality got mixed and I felt a blossom of something warm and fuzzy blooming in the very middle of my chest cavity, making it hard to breath around the older man. 

Finally, the room was empty except for us. Dean locked the door, something I questioned repeatedly but only inside my slowing mind. I am, after all, a male, although maybe in a more childish thought process. I never truly grew up, stuffed animals still lined my room, I still colored, though admittedly mostly my own drawings and not some doodled dinosaur, and i rarely had naughty thoughts like these. Dean Winchester put me on the fringe.

Though, sometimes I imagined us cuddling innocently, watching a Disney movie or maybe a scary one where i’ll have an excuse to cuddle up to him, bury my face in his sweet smelling shirt and just feel him around me.

“Castiel.”

“Why so formal Mr.D?” I asked teasingly, smiling sweetly at him. He squinted his eyes, trying to look like he was angry at me, but the corners of his mouth perked up a little.

“Sit down.” He gestured toward his office, a small room pushed in the back of the classroom like it was added at the last moment. It could barely contain a desk and three chairs, and along with the crap cluttering his desk and walls it looked even more little. I noted all of this as I sat down on the chair closest to him, and when he sat down in the black swivel office chair his leg brushed mine underneath the desk. That small touch sent little sparks up my nerves and I smiled again.

“What’s up?”

“What’s up is your grade.”

“Oh I’d say that’s pretty far from up Mr.D.” He frowned, lacing his fingers together on the desk's surface.

“Castiel, listen. I know that you’re a smart kid, when you pay attention. I’ve seen your grade from the past few years and they’ve been awesome.” I raised an eyebrow at the slang word thrown into the sentence but didn’t comment. “I know you can do better. What’s the problem?” 

“Well Sir, i’ve recently been distracted by….” I trailed off, realizing too late I was going to say his butt. Literally, I was going to say i was distracted by his butt. Sometimes my sarcasm has no damn filter. Dean raised an eyebrow as i wrestled with why the hell I was gonna say butt instead of ass like a fifth grader, telling me to continue on but i kept silent. After a moment of growing tense silence he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Cas…… What am I going to do with you?” He asked, and i was surprised by the use of the nickname. He had only ever called me Castiel, and it caught me off guard. I blame that for what I said next, that the almost loving way he purred that sentence pushed me over into full blown insanity.

“You could spank me.” His eyes widened at the same exact moment mine did, realizing what I had said. I wanted to run, to flee but I was frozen with fear, full blown fear. Neither of us moved an inch for a long time, staring at eachother with widened eyes.

Then, he laughed.

The sound was high, so different from his slightly gravelly voice he spoke with. It held a musical note to it that made me want to see him laugh over and over and over. His eyes crinkled up at the corners, his lips stretching over his perfect teeth and creating a small dimple in his left cheek , his freckles dancing along the skin as he tried and failed to gain his composure.

I was furious, hurt by his reaction. Although I know he would never want me that way, the obvious rejection hurt. I stood, glaring at him before turning on my heel and stalking away. He called after me, his voice suddenly serious but I continued to walk toward the door. The squeaking of shoes met my ears, and then a strong grip held my wrist. He forcefully turned me around, and i felt tears stinging at the corner of my eyes. Great.

“Wait okay?” He looked angry, but his face softened as the tears began to fall. He wiped one away quickly with the rough pad of his thumb, but instead of his hand falling away it cradled my face gently.

“Is that why you can’t pay attention in class?” I hesitated, but the touch of his hand along my jaw gave me a little sense of hope. No man would hold someone they weren’t attracted to this way. I nodded, croaking out a soft yes. He didn’t speak for a long, stretched out minute, staring at me while he visibly wrestled with himself inwardly.

“Son of a bitch.” 

His lips crashed against mine, forceful and gentle, timid yet demanding. I hesitated for a moment, surprised by the sudden touch, but not even a few seconds later I melted, kissing back with the same force he did. This reaction seemed to fuel him as the shy nakedness behind the kiss fell away and he became more demanding. His grip on my wrist tightened, pulling my body closer to his in a fury of passion and lust. His other hand traced my hipbone, lifting the edge of my shirt and gripping it tightly. My fingers felt as good in his hair as i thought they would, and I not only heard him but felt him growl as he bit my bottom lip, barely asking for permission as his tongue thrusted into my mouth, like I was already his. I couldn’t help but groan as his tongue explored my mouth, expertly making me feel like fireworks were going off inside me with his tongue, and his hands, and everything.

Too soon we broke away, but this wasn’t to be an awkward kiss he would regret immediately. He smirked, pulling me along with him as he backed up toward his office.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” I opened my mouth to speak but he shushed me, briefly pecking my lips before continuing.

“Your lips, your eyes, your body. The way your mouth looked as you called me Sir.” I felt him shiver against me, passing through the doorway of the office. He let go of me, and shut and locked that door too. We stood there for a full three seconds before I attacked him, kissing all over his face with opened mouth kisses. I trailed down his jaw, feeling the stubble poke at my lips before biting down gently along his jaw. He groaned, pushing me back and his eyes hardened. His mouth opened to say something, his lips bright red and swollen. Again, he just opened and closed his mouth, looking truly terrified to speak. One thought came to my mind, one single thought and I decided that in the heat of the moment I'd speak it out loud.

"Dad-"

BANG.

I yelped, jumping backwards and away from Dean. He told me to calm down, to just sit and act casual. It was when I tried to sit in his leather chair that I felt exactly how painfully erect I had become. He noticed this, the flinching that came over me as I sat down. He threw a jacket at me, telling me to put it over my lap.I did as he told me to, taking deep breaths. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath before walking out of the office into the classroom, going over to the door. My heart began to beat out of my chest as I watched him get closer, his footfalls loud in my ears, sparking fear like loud thunder or bad pornos do. 

As he went to go open the door he went out of my line of view. I ached to lean forward or even get up to see him, uneasy with the fact i couldn’t, but i still had a massive erection and it wasn’t safe to stand up yet. So I sat, waiting for him, someone or both to walk into the office. After a moment the door creaked open, and i heard the soft murmur of voices before the squeak of the door opening wider. I grimaced away from the sight of him walking back toward me, someone behind him, but his eyes were easy and he smiled at me.

“Cas we have to go, Jakob needs to clean.” One of the janitors,a tall dark man with gatorade blue eyes and stringy black hair, stepped out and began to pick up trash. I breathed out a sigh of relief and closed my eyes, thanking whatever or whoever was listening. 

“Cas.” I opened my eyes, remembering I had to go. I stood, and his eyes trailed down to below my belt. The fear had gotten rid of some, but not all and it was still visible and uncomfortable.

“Put the jacket on if you're cold.” He winked, bringing the large leather around me. It came down to my knees, and engulfed me in warmth and him. I breathed deeply, the very smell of it making me swoon. 

“Grab your stuff, I’ll take you home.” I wanted to argue as it wasn’t that cold and I enjoyed my walks home, but I also wanted to spend more time with this man. So i grabbed my stuff and followed suit, sending the most innocent smile I could conjure up toward Jakob, who didn’t even look at me.

The school was empty, the parking lot utterly deserted as we walked toward Dean’s beautiful thing, a black Impala, the coolest car i’ve ever seen a teacher drive. As much as I loved the car though, I stared at the ground, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts. 

I wanted to know, needed to know exactly what 5his meant, but as I sat next to him, unmoving as he thumbed the wheel, looking as nervous as me, my mind went utterly blank. i felt like a fish, my mouth opening and shutting with nothing coming out.  
Finally, he looked toward me.

“Um… Cas. Listen, I-” I cut him off, already knowing and understanding what he was going to say. 

“ I get it. I’ll switch classes tomorrow if you don’t want to see me anymore.”

“NO!” His voice rose and his eyes held true panic. I started at the sudden intensity of him,shrinking back, and he apologized immediately.

“I just… I don’t want this to end at that.” He grabbed my hand and rubbed circles on the flesh between my thumb and fore finger, but instead of fireworks i felt a sense of calm. We stayed quiet for a long time, both watching his fingers circle. 

“I do too.” I whispered. I was scared to admit it, but it was true. I wanted more than just a moment that was purely sexual and cut off. He nodded, his eyes not lifting away from the point our skin made contact.

“I’m glad.” We sat like that for a moment longer, until he noticed we were in plain view of many windows and could easily be seen from anyone happening by them. He faced the steering wheel, but never once let go of my hand as he started the car and took off down the winding path toward the highway. I stared out the window, pleasantly surprised by the way my evening had turned out. Trees flew past us, still a light green that would soon fade into the crisp browns and oranges of fall. We didn’t talk, each deep in thought. 

“What were you going to say earlier?” He asked out of the blue, and I looked at him in confusion.

“What?”

“Earlier, in my office.” My forehead crinkled and I squinted at him, cocking my head. I couldn’t remembe-

Oh.My.God. He meant when I almost called him daddy. I blushed a bright crimson and tried to cover my face with my hands but when I tried to dislodge our hands he brought them up to his lips instead, kissing my fingers delicately.

“Don’t get embarrassed, though you’re cute when you blush.” To which I blushed harder trying not to blush. “You can tell me.” 

I tried to swallow my embarrassment but it kept surfacing like a bloated dead body the murder was trying desperately to hide. He didn’t keep nagging, letting me work through my thoughts and feelings, letting me collect myself. After awhile I finally got myself under control, and whispered softly the answer. He didn’t look grossed out or disgusted, instead he chuckled under his breath.

“That explains a lot.” He sent a dazzling smile to me, making my butterflies zip around frantically.

“Well, I’ve got some research to do, but I do have a dom kink. Maybe this could work out well….” He trailed off, obviously deep in thought while my mind went utterly blank. This? Us? 

I looked around and noticed we were driving in the suburbs somewhere. I realized he probably didn’t know where to go, and tugged on his hand to get his attention.

“Um….” I had no idea what to call him, Dean? Mr.D? Sir? 

“Dean.” He offered, reading me again. It made me a bit uncomfortable at how easily he could read me, but at the same time i found it amazing. So many people had no idea who i was or what i was thinking.

“Dean.” I started again, smiling softly at the feeling of his name on my tongue.

“Um, I forgot to give you directions.” He looked confused, his forehead crinkling and making him look like a school boy. Then realization flashed on his face and he rolled his eyes.

“Well damn, I guess i was driving automatically home.” He laughed, his hand becoming slack on the wheel as we slowed to a stop at a stopsign. The road was empty, not weird for how far in the suburbs we were in, and i got a weird feeling. I never imagined Dean living in the suburbs at all. 

“Lead the way.” I gestured back toward the highway, unable to get my bearings in this place.

The drive was slow and remarkable, full of heartwarming laughs and soft indie love songs I finally got him to let me play, our hands clasped the entire time. 

~

“Here.” He pulled out a red pen from his middle console and wrote a series of numbers on my palm, the one he held. It tickled and i resisted the urge to laugh.

“Text me okay?” His eyes were safe and soft, and i didn’t want to leave this little haven, but my life was inside and this was just a mere illusion. 

“Bye.” I said softly, and he winked.

“Nah, more like see ya later.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Castiel.” Gabriel offered me just my name as a greeting, walking past the open door and disappearing through the door leading into the kitchen. I stepped inside, shutting the door behind me with a soft click. Voices drifted to me from the living room, but I ignored it and followed Gabe. It was probably lawyers, or doctors. 

Gabriel sat on the island crisscross, peeling an orange. His eyes were clear and focused, not hazy at all. He wasn't high or coming down, which was odd. 

“All out already little brother?” He looked up at me, sticking his tongue out. 

“No.” He threw a piece of the citrus peel at me, and I dodged it easily. He wasn't a very good throw. 

“Then what's up?” He finally got the sweet insides free and took one slice, shoving it in his mouth. Juice dribbled down his chin and I scoffed, reaching into the fridge and grabbing a Dr.Pepper. No one else in the entire house liked soda at all, but I couldn't live without Dr.Pepper so we were stocked full with cans of the stuff, thanks to my out of it mother and her credit card. 

“Guess who's in the living room.” I shrugged, asking him just to tell me as I took a large gulp. 

“Dad.” Out sprayed the pop, coating the beautiful white marble of the counter with carbonated sugar. I coughed, feeling my nose tingle with the amount that had gone up my nose. 

“Fuck!” I managed to sputter out. Gabriel hopped off the Island and grabbed the hand towel that was draped across the handle to the oven, throwing it to me. He shook his head, shoving another piece of the orange in his mouth as he walked out. I desperately tried to clean it up, but it still was sticky afterwards. I looked underneath the sink for the cleaner but it wasn't there. Typical. 

I went upstairs after throwing the towel in the dirty clothes basket that was always present in the laundry room, which was just a washer and a dryer in a closet, with enough space next to them for one tall green basket. I went to my room, making sure not to slam the door. Collapsing on my unmade and sheet less bed was like falling on ice, and I felt a chill encase me. My father was down there, the one that had deserted us and made my mother a vegetable. He's the man that cheated, that stole, that made Gabriel start drugs, the one that called me for the first time in a year just to tell me he was disappointed in me while a party raged on in the background. Why was he here? 

I flipped over on my back, staring up at my ceiling as my thoughts circled one another. The sadness that had faded away into the center of my belly while I was with Dean reappeared again, this time raging all the way up through my chest and up my throat. I sobbed, sitting up and gripping my hair as each cry ripped through me. I couldn't stop, though I wanted to. I begged for myself to stop but I couldn't control my own body. I cried for hours, finally hiccuping and becoming silent as tears still fell down my face. My entire face was raw and heated and my chest felt like it had caved in on itself. I hurt everywhere, and as the sun began to set I curled up into the tightest ball I could manage and closed my eyes, falling into miserable unconsciousness. 

~ 

My alarm clock read 2:22 Am in neon green. My eyes opened fully, widening before closing and then opening again. I scratched my head as I sat up, not understanding why my face hurt. Then it all came flooding back, and I sighed. I'm such a fucking baby. 

I stood up, stretching my arms over my head delicately, feeling all my bones go back into place as I rose up on my toes, then rocking back on the balls of my feet. My bathroom light was on, and I walked toward it. The water turned on easily, sputtering out with a soft clang of the pipes. I splashed steaming hot water on my face, waking up fully finally. As I went to turn off the water, I saw red across my hand and remembered. 

I ran back into the darkness of my room, fumbling around in my backpack for my phone. When I finally found it a sort of calm replaced the panic and I floated through punching in the number, holding the phone to my ear. The maybe of hearing his voice made me calmer than I remember ever being in my life. 

It only rang twice before he picked up. He grunted out a soft hello, tiredness evident in his voice. 

“He-Hello?” My heart pounded against my chest as the line went quiet, but not even a few seconds passed before he spoke, now awake. I could hear the smile in his voice. 

“Cas.” 

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” I sat down on the edge of my bed, holding the phone to my ear with both hands.

“I’m sorry, I know it's late-” 

“Actually it's pretty early.” He laughed at himself, and I felt a small giggle fall from between my lips. 

“Is everything okay?” I opened my mouth, then closed it. 

“No.” I finally answered, not wanting to explain but also not wanting to lie. He immediately picked up on the hesitation in my voice because he changed the subject. 

“You know, you woke me up at a bad time. I was in the middle of this amazing dream.” I chuckled, laying on my bed and leaning against a pillow on the wall. 

“Really? 

“Yes. You were in it.” I bit my bottom lip, smiling like a fool. He was dreaming about me? 

“What was the dream about.” He went quiet again, and I could feel the nervousness coming across the line. 

“I'm not sure I should tell you.” I huffed, not understanding why he couldn't tell me. 

“Why? Were you killing me?” He said a long, drawn out no. Then, all at once I picked up on what he meant and said aloud oh! 

“Bingo Baby.” The word slid easily in his language, and it felt like something hot was spreading throughout my chest when he called me that. Immediately I needed to know something. I blurted it out without truly thinking.

“Did I make you hard?” I squeaked after I said it, thumping my palm against my forehead. No.fucking.filter. at all. He was utterly silent, and fear began stirring in my belly. I opened my mouth to apologize when a soft groan came over the phone. 

“Dean?” A sharp intake of breath, then nothing. 

“Cas, have you ever done phone sex?” My forehead crinkled, and I shook my head before realizing he couldn't see me. 

“No.” 

“Would… would you mind doing it now?” I bit my bottom lip hard to keep from smiling. I had made him turned on just by a sentence, given morning wood from his dream was a definite help but I still felt proud. 

“I haven't ever done it.” 

“That’s okay baby. I'll tell you what to do.” I muttered a weak okay, worry and a little hesitation present underneath my lust. I felt myself straining against my pant zipper and I held the phone in between my ear and my shoulder as I unbuttoned them and slipped them off. 

“You ready?” 

“Yes.” 

“Tell me what you're wearing.” I looked down at myself, my lip twitching slightly. 

“Boxers and a T-shirt.” 

“Take off your shirt.” I had a little trouble doing that with my phone held where it was, so I put it down for a split second while I stripped myself of it.

“Okay.” 

“Now, trail your hand up your stomach to your nipple slowly, Close your eyes.” I did as he said, using the back of my hand. Small goosebumps followed, and I closed my eyes, imagining it was him. 

“Baby?” I hummed to acknowledge him.

“Good boy. Now, tweak your nipple gently.” I did as I was told, my breathing getting harsher as he spoke to me, calling me his good little boy. 

“Do you want me to touch you?” 

“Yes.” My voice was breathy, and I heard him breath deeply. 

“Yes what?” I groaned at that, my lips parting and my jaw lifting up gently as I continued to touch my body. 

“Yes sir.” I bit my lip hard, the pain turning me on even more.

“Trail down your body with your nails, to your boxers.” I hissed gently, and he did the same. 

“God I'm getting so turned on by the noises you make.” I immediately thrusted my hand underneath the fabric of my boxers, grabbing my throbbing cock and jerking once, twice. I told him I was doing this, following his lead of speaking, and he called out with a firm voice.

“No! You only touch yourself when I allow you to.” I whimpered but stopped, keeping a firm pressure but not moving. 

“I'm sorry sir.” 

“Good baby boy.” He hesitated, a sound creeping up I didn't recognize. "You're almost completely naked for me.” It wasn't a question but a statement. 

“Trail down to your balls.” I touched them gently, cradling them. 

“Are your eyes closed?” 

“Yes.” 

“Listen very closely. Your hand is my hand. Your daddy is cupping your balls hard, because you didn't listen.” I hardened my grip, breathing out quickly as I did so. 

“Daddy?” I whimpered. 

“Now I'm loosening my grip. Be a good boy okay.” I didn't answer back, just kept my eyes squeezed closed. 

“Have you ever fingered yourself darling?” I couldn't answer for a moment, my thoughts rolling. 

“N-no… but I've been…” I trailed off, unable to say it. Memories of Jared touching me came back and I shook my head to make them go awake. Dean, Dean.

“Someone else has touched you?” He growled, and I couldn't help but yelp. 

“I'm sorry.” 

“That's okay baby.” His voice was gentle again, but was wavering like he was trying to keep himself under control. I felt my stomach muscles bunch at the protectiveness, the territorial way he obviously thought of me. I was his, and right now I wanted to please him.  
“Daddy. Do you want me to?” 

“Yes baby. Do you have any lube?” I was about to say no when I remembered the tube that Jared had left here the last night he was here. I stood, walking over to the bathroom and getting it out. I walked back over to the bed, walking almost painful. The fabric rubbed my erection all the wrong ways and it was pain and pleasure all at once. 

“Good. Coat your first finger okay?” I did as he told me, the bottle making a loud squirting sound as it came out. He groaned in my ear, and the front of my boxers became wet with precum. 

“Can I take off my boxers?” 

“Yes.” I slid them off, throwing them over to the door. 

“You ready?” I put my hand down between my legs, having to spread them wide to get near my entrance. I listened to his voice and closing my eyes, mumbling a quick yes. 

“If I was there. The things I'd do to you. Id finger you open slowly, first one finger. Id pull in and out, listening to you hiss but knowing you loved the slight pain. I'd curl my finger, touching the sensitive walls. Pumping in and out of you, watching your face contort. Beg for another one when you're ready.” I had been entering myself this entire time, doing exactly as he said, going faster and faster until it didn't have that slight pain.

“Daddy, please. God, please.” He hissed, and I now recognised the sound as flesh rubbing against fabric. He was jerking himself off. 

“Id enter another finger, scissoring you open for my cock. You want Daddy’s cock don't you?” I whimpered, unable to speak. I was about in the middle of getting hard and getting there, and Him calling himself my daddy was almost too much. 

“You're daddy's good little boy. I'd stop, rubbing along your entrance. Are you ready for three baby?” I moaned for the first time, and even before he spoke I was entering three. Pain, pleasure and sensations I couldn't even begin to explain wrecked my body. 

“Call me Daddy Baby boy.” 

Once my mouth opened I couldn't stop talking. 

“Daddy. God it feels so good. I'm so turned on right now, my dick..” I moaned, mixing the words with sounds. He said my name gently. 

“Cas.” 

“I'm about to cum.” 

“Stop.” I stopped moving my fingers, waiting for him to say something. 

“Do you still have lube on your hands?” I mumbled a weak yes, and he started speaking again, his voice rough and raw and I could tell he was on the edge. 

“After scissoring you open I'd trail up to your throbbing cock. Follow your fingers where my tongue goes. Along the vein that travels up it, then along the slit. Id encase your cock with my mouth, my tongue still wrapping around the head as my head bobs up and down. I'm hollowing out my cheeks…… my tee-th are grazing…” He moaned, and the phone made a crinkling sound as it dropped. I held my hand to my cock, quickly thrusting up into my hand. It was silent now, but he had brought me close enough that I could just imagine his face, green eyes wide and blown, red lips parted and swollen, his cheeks flushed a bright red. I heard him say my name into the phone, and that single word, that small just undone sound of my name was what brought me over the edge yelping and moaning loudly. 

This didn't feel wrong. Though underneath it all I slightly felt bad, maybe because he was older than me, or perhaps because by society's standards what I find pleasurable is wrong, but at this exact moment I didn't care. Nor did I care when he asked me if I was okay, trying to make sure I wasn't in any pain or sore spots. He sounded so worried, his voice thick with sleepiness. We talked for hours, after I cleaned up and he did so as well. We discussed every little bitty thing, from his favorite flowers, which were sunflowers, to past events. He told me about how he had a little brother that went to high school still, he was a senior, and how when his mother died seven years ago his father went off the deep end and Sam moved in with him. He raised his brother, had two jobs and still went to college. 

“I'm pretty far in debt, but I get to do what I love at least.” He trailed off, his voice becoming shallow. 

“Castiel….. I want you to understand that you can't tell anyone about us.” I went silent, understanding but still hurting. 

“Yea… I know.” He groaned, and I heard the bed creaking as he sat up. 

“I can't lose this job. If I didn't care about you at all I wouldn't even be risking it. I just need this to stay between us for awhile.” I nodded, then remembered he couldn't hear me and replied with a soft yea. 

“Please don't take that tone. I'm sorry, but it has to be this way okay?” I said I was sorry and that I understood. 

He was to be my dirty little secret. 

When the clock struck six he finally told me he needed to get up. 

“But it's Saturday.” I complained, not wanting him to go. I loved listening to his voice, the soft rumble that it made. 

“I have to take Sam to this college class he's taking. But I'll be back soon okay?” He paused, but the phone line didn't go dead and I waited patiently. 

“I'd like to see you today.” I wanted to purr at that, the soft little way he spoke as if he was scared I'd say no. 

“I want to see you too.” 

“I'll come by and pick you up sometime today okay?” 

“When?” 

“That'll be a surprise.” He said good bye quickly and hung up, leaving me alone in my room. I watched the sunrise gently over the roof of the other houses, before laying back down and falling asleep. 

I was woken up some time later by a deep voice. 

“Castiel.” I cracked open one eye, and saw blue eyes a lot like mine surrounded by wrinkles. I groaned and threw one arm over my eyes. 

“What Grandpa.” 

“It’s noon Castiel. You don't need to be sleeping all day. Even I woke up before you.” He chuckled and hit my fingers gently, moving my arm. I groaned again and sat up finally, shifting my head to the side and cracking one eye open again. 

“I have some leftover pasta downstairs for you if you're hungry. But dude, you need to take a shower. You reek.” 

“You only take showers twice a week.” 

“Yea, and I smell better than you.” I tried to hit his arm but he moved out of my way, walking toward the door.

“Up Up Up Cassie.” I threw my pillow at the closing door, instantly regretting doing that as I tried to plop down and hit my head on the wall. 

Rubbing my sore head, I got up and went into the bathroom. I knew I'd need to take a shower, but honestly I was so tired I could barely stand up. So I started the water and sat down, washing my hair and face on the floor of the bathtub. After that I just sat there for awhile, enjoying the feeling of the water along my body and running down my scalp and face. It relaxed me, and made me realize that I ached in a spot I hadn't ached in a long time. It was a small ache, like if you worked out two days before and still were a little sore. It didn't upset me though, it made me remember. 

It made me miss Jared. I remembered all the good times we had, and how I had been wrong blaming him for my problems when he got the worst slice of the deal. I felt awful, selfish but at the same time I felt relief. Relief for realizing I wasn't heartbroken anymore. Dean had managed to mend four months of pain in two days, and that made me incredibly distraught at either how much he meant to me in such a little amount of time, or how I thought my feelings for Jared were so much stronger than they were. Either way, I had some seriously fucked intimacy issues I needed to work through. 

I stood up and washed my body quickly, rinsing off and turning off the water in a minute flat. I wanted to eat suddenly, my stomach rumbling. I slipped on a clean shirt and a pair of red sweatpants that I had stolen from my brother. They were plaid and had OU printed on the hip, a football team of some kind I think. I liked these because they were tight along the ankles and hips, but not too tight to where you couldn't slip them off easily.

Carding my fingers through my wet hair I went downstairs, instantly going for the fridge and getting out the pasta grandfather had made. It was Alfredo, my favorite with angel hair noodles and this homemade thick sauce he had learned from some ancient person years ago. 

He had placed the chicken in with another thing of tupperware and I was incredibly grateful for my grandfather. When it was my mom and dad it had been really hard to be a vegetarian because they would always cook meat and then just tell me to pick it out, but with my vegetarian for years grandpa he just instantly made it easy for anyone. When he first moved in here had refused to cook meat in general, but after a huge fight with Gabriel where he had pointed out how it wasn't fair to push their values on him, he started to cook meat with some meals. 

I had just taken my first bite when my phone buzzed, alerting me to a message. I instantly picked it up and saw that it was from Meg. 

Meg: any plans 2day? 

Me: It's today, not 2day. And I'm not sure.

I quickly sent the text, slurping up the noodles in a most undignified way that would have made my mother scoff. It didn't take long for her to message me back though. 

Meg: not sure? 

I paused, not knowing how to reply. He told me I had to keep him specifically a secret, but would it hurt for her to know I had a someone in my life? 

No, it was better to just keep it a secret. 

Me: I tried to make plans later with a friend, but he's not sure so I'm not sure. 

I set the phone face down and went and cleaned off my bowl and fork and put them in the dishwasher. Since it was full, I had to run it. When I got back I had three new messages. 

Meg (2) 

Dean 

I pressed on the one Dean has sent me first, the butterflies in my belly trying to escape again. 

Dean: I'll pick you up around 2. Is there a specific time you have to be home? 

I smiled like a huge dork, it crossing my entire face as I answered back. 

Me: Eleven on weekends. I typed out Daddy, before deleting it and just sending that. I wasn't sure how this all worked yet. 

I then opened Meg’s. 

Meg: well, why don't we grab some coffee and hang out for an hour? 

Meg: That won't take too long.

I hesitated. I wanted to see Meg, but it was 12:30 already. I needed to have time to get ready for Dean. 

Just as I had thought that, I got a message from Dean. 

Dean: Wear something comfortable, because I'm exhausted and just want to hold you. 

I smiled and texted him back quickly before telling Meg to hurry and come get me from this dump. Coffee sounded amazing.


	4. Chapter four

I wrapped my hands around the warm styrofoam cup, lifting it up to my grin and taking a sip to mask the laugh. Meg continued complaining about Clarence, some new boy toy of hers. Her lips were a pitch black today instead of the signature red, and I wandered vaguely if she was trying for a new look. She usually wore well fitting but not too tight clothes, like jeans and a loose blouse and light but perfect makeup. Today she wore tight red skinny jeans, a black v neck that stretched down her chest and a black leather jacket. She looked very dark and Hipster, what with the black Beanie and red converses that honestly I've never seen before. 

I wanted to ask about the outfit change, but she was ranting about this boy. I tuned into what she was saying, not wanting to focus on what she was wearing anymore. 

“He just makes me so….” She growled, her hands fists. 

“He never knows how to take a joke, and is so serious and crazy and he acts like an ass all the time.” Her hand made a large plop as it hit my bed. 

“Stop, Meg stop.” She stuttered to a pause, her eyes squinting. 

“Why haven't you broken up with this kid yet? Haven't you already exceeded your limit anyway?” Meg never dated more than a month because most guys instantly think that she should put out. 

“I don't know man…..” 

“It sounds like you love him toots.” Both of our heads turned toward the voice. Gabriel stood in the doorway, well more like leaned against the door frame like they do in the movies, grinning like a fool at Meg. She smiled right back, scratching her head. 

“I don't love him.” 

“Yes you do, even if it's just a little. You complain, but it's in this soft voice that never truly shouts. Like a mother complaining about her son. And, whenever you said his name you smiled, even when you were talking shit. Who you think you're kiddin, he's the earth and heaven to you, don't you try deny it.” Silence ensued, to which Gabriel bowed and left slowly, twisting around against the door frame and kicking off of it. Meg watched him go with wide eyes, her mouth going slack. 

“You're brother is so hot.” I rolled my eyes, scoffing. 

“Only my brother can quote a Disney fucking movie and still get girls to drool.” 

Meg left soon after, a little shaken at her new found puppy love. Two months was a long time for a sixteen year old. I remember because I was sixteen with Jared. I watched her car puff away, black smoke draining from the back of the thing as it rumbled off my circular driveway. 

I walked back inside and went straight to my room, where I found Gabriel sitting at my desk, his feet kicked up on the desk and leaning back in my chair. I hit the top of his head, almost knocking him backwards. 

“Why you in here Dweeb?” 

“Cas… I need you to talk Gramps into taking me to the hospital.” 

“What? Why?” 

“I have this pain… in my knee. It hurts really bad and I think I like dislocated it or something.” I stood up from my bed and kneeled beside him. 

“Skateboarding?” 

“Yea. I fell yesterday and that's when the pain became intense.” 

“Why don't you go ask him yourself?” He shook his head, pursing his lips. 

“Because… just please?” I stared at his face for a long time, waiting for him to speak. Finally his eyes swept up to mine, Hazel meeting Blue, and he opened and closed his mouth several times before he could speak.

“I…. I'm scared of hospitals. If I try, I'll freak out and end up not doing it.” I still just stared, unable to say anything. My brother was a daredevil, and he's never been scared of anything before in his life. It worried me slightly, this new found humanity in my brother. 

“Please Cas.” I shook my head, trying to shake my thoughts away, but the rock at the pit of my stomach stayed. 

“Yea, I'll go talk to Gramps.” I said. The look of relief in his eyes was frightening. 

“Thank you Cas, so much.” He stood, his arms out and for a second we stood there awkwardly, him asking for a hug and me being unable to understand until his arms fell to his sides and he coughed, his hair falling into his face as he looked toward the ground. 

“Alright then.” He walked out quickly, scuffling his shoes along the wood and making a sound. It was one something, almost two, and so I texted Dean asking if we were still on before going to go and find Gramps. I knocked on his door, and when I didn't get an answer opened it slightly to find it empty. Next I checked the kitchen, which was unoccupied as well. The backyard, where he goes to smoke, and the living room were both empty as well. I stood in the hallway, my hands on my hips as I signed and tried to think. My grandfather never left without telling both of us, even when we were in school and didn't really need to know, he would text us to let us know. He wouldn't be in Gab’s room, and no one went down to the basement… 

That only left one place, a place I never went on purpose. I turned on my heel slowly, looking down the dark hallway next to the stairs. At the end of the hall was the always cracked door, a tiny sliver of light arching it's way down to me. I stared, unable to gain the courage to enter the room, the last room he could be and the one room I was scared shitless of. My old room, that now held something awful. 

I stared, unable to turn away and walk upstairs like I wanted, but also unable to walk forward like I knew I needed to. I tried to summon enough courage to walk forward, but all I could do was take a single step before my body failed again. 

“C’mon Castiel.” I repeated this in my head, over and over again, trying to psych myself up. No boy my age should ever have to make themselves feel like braveheart to enter a hallway but that was what I was doing. Another step forward, then another. I wanted to close my eyes, but I knew that would just make me even more frightened, but they couldn't help but flutter. I felt my eyelashes against my cheek, the heat and sweat of my palms against each other as I held them in front of me, but I still felt like I wasn't really there. I couldn't be standing outside that door. 

I stood there in the dark, inches away from the wood. Nothing, not even a single breath, flowed from me as I listened, for what I couldn't say. I just knew I needed to listen. 

Slowly, I realized why my body was telling me that. From inside the room came a soft humming sound, deep and husky that could only come from my grandfather. The tune I didn't recognize, but the whispered sound laced with held back tears hit me in the chest. My grandfather was humming to his daughter, probably holding her unresponsive hand and trying hard not to cry, to be strong for his little girl. 

I ran. The wood creaked loudly as I turned and ran the other way, a sound that etched itself into my very soul, a sound of my fear and guilt. Guilt that I, her son, couldn't even stand being in the hallway near her room yet the man who saw her come into this world, who held her tiny hands and helped her take her first steps, who held the seat of the training bike while she giggled was in there trying his hardest to help her, begging for her to come back to him. 

My breathing was ragged when I finally entered my room, my door slamming shut and shaking the entire house with the force of it. I leaned against it, gripping the doorknob with a white knuckles fist, the other palm down on the door and closed my eyes. 

The twinkle sound of an incoming text sounded, scaring me for a second before I realized what it was. I walked over to my bed, and saw that I had four messages and a missed call from Dean. 

Dean: Yea, Why wouldn't we? 

Five minutes later. 

Dean: Babe? Are we still on? 

Dean: You better answer me right now. 

Then he had called, and his last one was so worried that it made me feel bad for making him so worried, and also good. 

Dean: Babe please call me as soon as possible, I'm a little worried. 

I was about to text him that I was okay when his name popped up again. I slid over quickly, pushing the phone to my cheek. 

“Hello?” 

“Fuck. Are you okay?” Worry and relief flooded his voice, making him sound higher pitched than normal. I could hear the shakiness in his voice, which added to guilt that had begun to wedge itself underneath my rib cage. 

“Yes I'm okay, I'm so sorry.” He took a deep breath before speaking. 

“No I'm sorry. Just I got worried. You texted me almost forty minutes ago and then stopped answering.” I glanced at the time, not being able to believe I had taken such a long time. But I had in fact, stood outside that door for nearly twenty minutes without the balls to go inside. 

“Are we still on?” He asked nervously, his voice calm but still thick with emotion. He had gotten really worried, why? It suddenly hit me that he had gotten viciously worried, way too worried. I wanted to ask, the words even bubbling up to my lips but as they flowed out they transformed into a yes. Simply, yes. 

He said he was on his way and then hung up, leaving me alone to my thoughts and worries.


End file.
